There is a quiet beauty in the ordinary rhythm of married life. It lives in the laugh you share while cooking supper, the comfort of a hand squeezed during a tough moment, and the whispered jokes before bed that belong to no one else but the two of you. Marriage is not a fairy tale, yet it can be deeply joyful when couples choose one another, day after day, in the small things. Recent research on happy marriages shows that the strongest bonds grow not from luck or luxury, but from four simple habits: making your spouse your priority, protecting one another, sharing faith, and keeping romance alive through regular time together.

The study, conducted in 2025 by the Institute for Family Studies in the United States is full of lessons for South African couples.

The researchers asked thousands of husbands and wives what made their marriages happiest and most stable. Four themes rose above all others: commitment, protection, faith, and date nights. These may sound ordinary, but their impact is extraordinary. They are the daily decisions that transform ordinary homes into havens of trust and affection. And the best news is that they are within reach of every couple, no matter their circumstances.

Choosing each other first

The happiest couples see their marriage not as one responsibility among many, but as the foundation of their lives. When asked whether their spouse was more important than almost anything else, those who strongly agreed were far more likely to report being happy and confident in their relationship. That may sound obvious, yet in practice it is rare. Modern life pulls at us constantly, demanding jobs, school fees, church commitments, extended family obligations, even the endless scroll of WhatsApp groups and social media. Without noticing it, a spouse can begin to feel like they come last on the list.
Putting your marriage first does not mean ignoring your children or neglecting family duties. It means recognising that the couple relationship is the engine room of the household. When a husband and wife are strong and connected, children thrive. When they are distracted and divided, children feel unsettled even if no one raises their voice. A small habit that makes a big difference is what some call “the bookends.” Greet each other warmly before the day begins, with a proper hug and eye contact, and reconnect when the day ends, phones aside, for at least ten minutes. These moments teach your heart and your children that this bond is the priority.

The gift of protection

The second lesson from the research is that happy marriages are protective marriages. Husbands and wives who felt their partner had their back, in every sense, were much more likely to report both happiness and security. Protection here is not about control. It is about loyalty, safety, and a visible commitment to guard the relationship.

In South Africa, protection is both practical and emotional. A wife who climbs into a taxi after work and receives a text that says “I am waiting on the corner by the rank, see you in two minutes,” feels seen and valued. A husband whose wife notices a hurt look when a family member makes a joke at his expense and who gently steers the conversation to another topic, then checks in later and says “I am on your side,” feels covered.

Protection also means sexual fidelity and clear boundaries. It means unfollowing an old flame on social media, not because of jealousy, but because of wisdom. It means leaving the office party at a reasonable hour and coming home because you would rather sit on the sofa together while the power is out and the house is lit by candles. It is the active choice to speak well of each other while in company, even when frustrations simmer in private.
Couples who practice this kind of everyday loyalty build a bubble of safety that makes laughter easier, intimacy warmer, and conflict less frightening.

Walking together in faith

The third pillar is shared faith. Couples who attend religious services together regularly were more likely to report joy and stability in their marriage. In South Africa, where church, mosque, temple, and synagogue often remain central to community life, this finding rings true. Shared faith offers three kinds of strength: a moral framework that discourages giving up when things get tough, rituals of prayer or worship that bond couples together, and a community that offers both accountability and support.

For many couples, this already looks like church on Sunday and a short prayer before bed. For others it may be serving together in a soup kitchen or volunteering at a youth group. What matters most is not the specific tradition but the shared rhythm and meaning. When couples pull in the same spiritual direction, they feel united not only in body and home, but also in purpose.

If you are not part of a faith community, you can still borrow the same principles. Create rituals of gratitude, like sharing three things you are thankful for at supper. Volunteer together for a cause you both care about. Spend a few minutes each week in quiet reflection together, whether that is on your stoep at sunrise or during an evening walk. Shared meaning builds resilience.

Keep dating each other

Finally, and perhaps most delightfully, the happiest couples are those who still date each other. The study showed that couples who go on date nights at least once a month are more likely to be happy, and wives in particular feel more secure about their marriage lasting.

This makes sense: dating strips away the routines of chores, parenting, and work, and reminds you why you fell in love in the first place.

In South Africa, date night does not need to be expensive. For some, it might be a braai for two on the balcony once the kids are asleep. For others, a picnic with candles lit and familiar songs playing softly in the background. It could be a walk on the beach, a drive to a lookout point, or simply an hour spent together at the local coffee shop. What matters is intention, putting aside time for each other, without distractions, to laugh, talk, and reconnect.

Couples with young children often feel it is impossible to get out, but creativity helps. Trade babysitting nights with friends. Plan at-home dates where you dress up as if going out, switch off the TV, and cook together. Even small gestures, sharing an ice cream on a bench while watching the sunset, send the powerful message: “You are still the one I choose.”

Building these habits into daily life

Taken together, these four practices, commitment, protection, shared faith, and date nights, form a simple but powerful blueprint for marriage. They are not one-time solutions. They are habits, chosen again and again, that create the atmosphere in which love can grow.

One way to start is with a weekly check-in. Set aside twenty minutes after the children are in bed. Ask three questions: What went well in our marriage this week? Where did I feel alone or stressed? What is one thing I can do for you this week? Speak gently, listen carefully, and end with a hug. This small ritual helps couples practice both commitment and protection.

Another idea is to write down a short list of “protection promises.” For example: we will not criticise each other in front of others; we will answer each other’s messages as soon as we can; we will not keep secrets about money. Put the list inside a cupboard and check it every few months. Over time, such promises become second nature.

For shared faith, decide on one ritual you will protect. It could be Sunday worship, Friday evening prayers, or a weekly gratitude walk. Make it sacred. For date nights, set a recurring reminder on your calendar. Even if you do not know what the date will look like, block the time. Consistency is more important than creativity.

Why this matters

Marriage is not only about the couple themselves. It is the foundation of family life, the soil in which children grow, and the backbone of society. When marriages thrive, children flourish emotionally, schools are calmer, and communities are more resilient. When marriages falter, the ripple effects are felt far beyond the home. This is why the research is not just interesting but urgent. It shows that strong marriages do not depend on income or luck. They depend on choices, choices that are available to every couple.

For wives, these lessons may feel like a gentle encouragement. You matter, your marriage matters, and your smile is not wasted. Your husband’s steady hand and your protective words together can make your home a place of warmth in a harsh world. For husbands, the message is equally simple. Your loyalty, your faith, and your willingness to keep pursuing your wife are powerful. They do not just keep the spark alive, they build a legacy for your children.

So perhaps tonight, after the dishes are done and the house grows quiet, pour two cups of tea, sit together, and ask: How can we put these four habits into practice in our life? The answer does not need to be dramatic. It only needs to be faithful. Day-by-day, month-by-month, year-by-year, you will discover that these small choices weave into a marriage that is both joyful and steady.

And that, truly, is something worth smiling about