Many long-term couples quietly struggle with dwindling sexual desire. But this does not need to be the case.

According to Dr Cheryl Fraser, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in British Columbia in Canada, only 6% of long-term couples describe their sex life as great, even though most still love each other deeply.

Fraser explains that one of the most common challenges is a:“sexual desire disconnect: one of you wants sex, one does not.” When this imbalance is left unspoken, frustration and guilt often grow until emotional distance sets in. Around 30% of couples, she adds, are in sexless or low-sex marriages. Yet neglecting physical closeness weakens the bond that distinguishes a spouse from every other companion.

She urges couples to begin by: “lovingly talking about the sex you aren’t having.” Honest conversation, she says, is the first step to rebuilding intimacy. Fraser recounts how one couple who had not been intimate for decades started with small gestures such as holding each other fully clothed, kissing again, and sharing a candlelit bath. Their patience, not passion, brought them back together.

Couples struggling with low intimacy can also: “map the path from no sex to sensual.” Holding hands, sharing quiet moments, or offering a simple back rub helps restore comfort and ease. Fraser also advises scheduling time for affection rather than waiting for it to appear spontaneously. A date night or morning walk can remind partners why they chose each other.

Rekindling intimacy, she says, is not indulgence but maintenance. When couples communicate and reconnect physically, they strengthen their marriage and model enduring love for their children.